A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.
A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters...
First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and fainting. Second, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"
"That should have worked," said the friend.
The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left..."
Monday, April 30, 2007
Do you have an e-mail id?
A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft.The
HR
manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.
"You are employed."
He said. "Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."
The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."
" I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."
The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the super market and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital.! He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he c! an survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.
5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US.
He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan.
When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email".
The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"
The man thought for a while and replied, " Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"
HR
manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.
"You are employed."
He said. "Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."
The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."
" I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."
The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the super market and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital.! He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he c! an survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.
5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US.
He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan.
When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email".
The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"
The man thought for a while and replied, " Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Fact is stranger than fiction!
TWIST OF FATE
Do you like to read a good murder mystery? Not even Law and Order would
attempt to capture this mess. This is an unbelievable twist of fate!!!! At
the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS President Dr.
Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a
bizarre death.
Here is the story:
On March 23, 1994....... the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald
Opus, and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. Mr. Opus
had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit
suicide..
----
He left a note to the effect indicating his despondency. As he fell past the
ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a
window, which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the deceased was
aware that a safety net had been installed just below the eighth floor level
to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been
able to complete his suicide the way he had planned
-----
"Ordinarily, " Dr Mills continued, "Someone who sets out to commit suicide
and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he
intended, is still defined as committing suicide." That Mr. Opus was shot on
the way to certain death, but probably would not have been successful
because of the safety net, caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a
homicide on his hands.
-------
The room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied
by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously, and he was
threatening her with a shotgun! The man was so upset that when he pulled the
trigger, he completely missed his wife, and the pellets went through the
window, striking Mr. Opus. When one intends to kill subject " A" but kills
subject "B" in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject "B."
-------
When confronted with the murder charge, the old man and his wife were both
adamant, and both said that they thought the shotgun was not loaded. The old
man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded
shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr.
Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, assuming the gun had been
accidentally loaded.
----
The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's
son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident..
----
It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and
the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun
threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would
shoot his mother.
----
Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he was guilty of the murder
even though he didn't actually pull the trigger. The case now becomes one of
murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.
-------
Now comes the exquisite twist... Further investigation revealed that the son
was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over the
failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump
off the ten-story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun
blast passing through the ninth story window.
-------
The son, Ronald Opus, had actually murdered himself. So the medical examiner
closed the case as a suicide.
A true story from Associated Press, (Reported by Kurt Westervelt)
Do you like to read a good murder mystery? Not even Law and Order would
attempt to capture this mess. This is an unbelievable twist of fate!!!! At
the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS President Dr.
Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a
bizarre death.
Here is the story:
On March 23, 1994....... the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald
Opus, and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. Mr. Opus
had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit
suicide..
----
He left a note to the effect indicating his despondency. As he fell past the
ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a
window, which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the deceased was
aware that a safety net had been installed just below the eighth floor level
to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been
able to complete his suicide the way he had planned
-----
"Ordinarily, " Dr Mills continued, "Someone who sets out to commit suicide
and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he
intended, is still defined as committing suicide." That Mr. Opus was shot on
the way to certain death, but probably would not have been successful
because of the safety net, caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a
homicide on his hands.
-------
The room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied
by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously, and he was
threatening her with a shotgun! The man was so upset that when he pulled the
trigger, he completely missed his wife, and the pellets went through the
window, striking Mr. Opus. When one intends to kill subject " A" but kills
subject "B" in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject "B."
-------
When confronted with the murder charge, the old man and his wife were both
adamant, and both said that they thought the shotgun was not loaded. The old
man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded
shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr.
Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, assuming the gun had been
accidentally loaded.
----
The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's
son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident..
----
It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and
the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun
threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would
shoot his mother.
----
Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he was guilty of the murder
even though he didn't actually pull the trigger. The case now becomes one of
murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.
-------
Now comes the exquisite twist... Further investigation revealed that the son
was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over the
failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump
off the ten-story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun
blast passing through the ninth story window.
-------
The son, Ronald Opus, had actually murdered himself. So the medical examiner
closed the case as a suicide.
A true story from Associated Press, (Reported by Kurt Westervelt)
Test your Brain
Test Your Brain This is really cool.
ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST
Count every " F" in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
HOW MANY ?
WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke. READ IT AGAIN ! Really, go back and try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.
The reasoning behind is further down.
The brain cannot process "OF".
Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!
Anyone who sees all six the first time is a genious!
Three is normal, four is quite rare.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Belive it or not....
This is a true story of a young college girl who passed away last month. Her name was Priya. She was hit by a lorry. She has a boy friend named Shankar. Both of them are true lovers. They always hang on the phone. You can never see her without her handphone. In fact she also changed her phone from Airtel to Hutch, so both of them can be on the same network, and save on the cost.
She spends half of the day talking with shankar. Priya's family knows about their relationship. Shankar is very close with Priya's family. (just imagine their love) . Before she passed away she always told her friends "If I pass away please burn me with my handphone" she also said the same thing to her parents.
After her death, people cant carry her coffin, I was there. A lot of them tried to do so but still cant , everybody including me, had tried to carry the coffin, the result is still the same. Eventually, they called their neighbour, a "bomoh" from Thailand (pak Darin), who is a friend of her father. He took a stick and started speaking to himself slowly. After a few minutes, he said "this girl misses something here". then her friends told Darin about her intentions to burn her with her phone. He then opened the coffin and place her phone and SIM card inside the casket. after that they tried to carry the coffin. It could be moved and they carried it into the van easily. All of us were shocked.
Priya's parents did not inform Shankar that Priya had passed away. After 2 weeks Shankar called Priya's mom. Shankar :...."Atte, I'm coming home today. Cook something nice for me. Dont tell Priya that I'm coming home today, i wanna surprise her." Her mother replied....."You come home first, i wanna tell you something very important." after he came, they told him the truth about Priya.
Shankar thinks that they were playing a fool. He was laughing and said "dont try to fool me - tell Priya to come out, i have a gift for her Please stop this nonsense". then they show him the original death certificate to him. They gave him proof to make him believe. (Shankar started to sweat) ..
He said... "Its not true. we spoke yesterday. She still calls me. Shankar was shaking. Suddenly, Shankar's phone rang. "see this is from Priya, see this..." he showed the phone to priya's family. all of them told him to answer.he talked using the loudspeaker mode. all of them heard his conversation.
Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming. It is the actual voice of Priya & there is no way others could use her SIM card since it is nailed inside the coffin they were so shocked and asked for pak Darin's help again. pak Darin brought his master (tok Chen) to solve this matter. He & Darin worked for 5 hours. Then they discovered one thing... Hutch has the best coverage. Whereever you go, our network follows!!!
She spends half of the day talking with shankar. Priya's family knows about their relationship. Shankar is very close with Priya's family. (just imagine their love) . Before she passed away she always told her friends "If I pass away please burn me with my handphone" she also said the same thing to her parents.
After her death, people cant carry her coffin, I was there. A lot of them tried to do so but still cant , everybody including me, had tried to carry the coffin, the result is still the same. Eventually, they called their neighbour, a "bomoh" from Thailand (pak Darin), who is a friend of her father. He took a stick and started speaking to himself slowly. After a few minutes, he said "this girl misses something here". then her friends told Darin about her intentions to burn her with her phone. He then opened the coffin and place her phone and SIM card inside the casket. after that they tried to carry the coffin. It could be moved and they carried it into the van easily. All of us were shocked.
Priya's parents did not inform Shankar that Priya had passed away. After 2 weeks Shankar called Priya's mom. Shankar :...."Atte, I'm coming home today. Cook something nice for me. Dont tell Priya that I'm coming home today, i wanna surprise her." Her mother replied....."You come home first, i wanna tell you something very important." after he came, they told him the truth about Priya.
Shankar thinks that they were playing a fool. He was laughing and said "dont try to fool me - tell Priya to come out, i have a gift for her Please stop this nonsense". then they show him the original death certificate to him. They gave him proof to make him believe. (Shankar started to sweat) ..
He said... "Its not true. we spoke yesterday. She still calls me. Shankar was shaking. Suddenly, Shankar's phone rang. "see this is from Priya, see this..." he showed the phone to priya's family. all of them told him to answer.he talked using the loudspeaker mode. all of them heard his conversation.
Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming. It is the actual voice of Priya & there is no way others could use her SIM card since it is nailed inside the coffin they were so shocked and asked for pak Darin's help again. pak Darin brought his master (tok Chen) to solve this matter. He & Darin worked for 5 hours. Then they discovered one thing... Hutch has the best coverage. Whereever you go, our network follows!!!
Monday, April 2, 2007
Indian Cricket Team
What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
The entire Indian Innings.
Where do Indian batsmen perform there best?
In Advertisements.
When would Agarkar have 100 runs against his name?
When he is bowling.
What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Indian batsmen?
The walk back to the pavilion.
How to increase the chances of Indian batsmen playing out the entire 50 overs?
Try giving them two innings to begin with, then try three and so on.
What is the Indian version of a hat-trick?
3 runs in 3 balls
What is the height of optimism ?
Sehwag coming out to bat applying sunscreen on his face.
Phone Call for Sehwag:
Indian Team Manager : "Hello"(over Phone)
Wife :"Can I talk to Sehwag, this is his wife."
Indian Team Manager:"Sorry, he is just going to bat"
Wife:"No Problem Manager, I will Hold on"
DIVORCE COURT SCENE :
The Judge (J.) asks the little girl (LG):
Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live with your mummy?
LG - No, my mummy beats me.
J. - Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy.
LG - No, my daddy beats me too.
J. - Well then, who do you want to live with?
LG - I want to live with the Indian Cricket team, they never beat anybody !!!
The entire Indian Innings.
Where do Indian batsmen perform there best?
In Advertisements.
When would Agarkar have 100 runs against his name?
When he is bowling.
What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Indian batsmen?
The walk back to the pavilion.
How to increase the chances of Indian batsmen playing out the entire 50 overs?
Try giving them two innings to begin with, then try three and so on.
What is the Indian version of a hat-trick?
3 runs in 3 balls
What is the height of optimism ?
Sehwag coming out to bat applying sunscreen on his face.
Phone Call for Sehwag:
Indian Team Manager : "Hello"(over Phone)
Wife :"Can I talk to Sehwag, this is his wife."
Indian Team Manager:"Sorry, he is just going to bat"
Wife:"No Problem Manager, I will Hold on"
DIVORCE COURT SCENE :
The Judge (J.) asks the little girl (LG):
Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live with your mummy?
LG - No, my mummy beats me.
J. - Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy.
LG - No, my daddy beats me too.
J. - Well then, who do you want to live with?
LG - I want to live with the Indian Cricket team, they never beat anybody !!!
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